Funny Stuff - testmy.net resource / tool

Shug7272

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #150 on: May 18, 2006, 08:42:01 PM »

http://www.break.com/index/coplawn.html

CHECK THIS OUT... guy gets pulled over by cop... cop finds his stolen lawn mower in the back of the guys van. BWAAA HAHAHAH. DUMBASS.


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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #151 on: May 18, 2006, 09:01:13 PM »

what a moron


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EWO

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #152 on: May 18, 2006, 09:23:00 PM »

That is outta this world.


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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #153 on: May 18, 2006, 09:32:49 PM »

On a lot of days this has to be the Weapon of Choice :haha:


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EWO

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #154 on: May 18, 2006, 10:26:59 PM »

WHY IT IS IMPORTANT TO LEARN ENGLISH WHEN YOU LIVE IN THE UNITED STATES

:haha:


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tommie gorman

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #155 on: May 18, 2006, 10:38:25 PM »

Must have coffee first. coffee


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EWO

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #156 on: May 18, 2006, 10:51:59 PM »

NEW STAMP FROM POST OFFICE :haha:


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tommie gorman

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #157 on: May 18, 2006, 11:00:21 PM »

Right F#@&ing on. laughing7


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EWO

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #158 on: May 19, 2006, 08:01:27 AM »

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his
Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following
results:

The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead.
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.

So the Minister asked the congregation - "What can you learn from this =
demonstration?"

A little old woman in the back quickly raised her hand and said, "As long
as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
:haha:


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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #159 on: May 21, 2006, 05:54:53 PM »

I saw a funny message on the back of a truck today. (Big truck with Super Swampers and a lift kit)

Jack 'em up high... fat chicks can't climb.


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tommie gorman

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #160 on: May 21, 2006, 08:53:04 PM »

You think these might be tall enough? laughing7


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tommie gorman

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #161 on: May 21, 2006, 08:56:07 PM »

Nothing wrong with the rear end...
I told you my wife could not park!!


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tommie gorman

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #162 on: May 21, 2006, 09:53:08 PM »

Weird Things You Would Never Know

Butterflies taste with their feet.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
In 10 minutes, a hurricane releases more energy than all of the world's nuclear weapons combined.
On average, 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens every year.
On average people fear spiders more than they do death.
Ninety percent of New York City cabbies are recently arrived immigrants.
Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
Only one person in two billion will live to be 116 or older.
It's possible to lead a cow upstairs.. but not downstairs.
Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
It's physically impossible for you to lick your elbow.
The Main Library at Indiana University sinks over an inch every year because when it was built, engineers failed to take into account the weight of all the books that would occupy the building.
A snail can sleep for three years.
No word in the English language rhymes with "MONTH."
Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches.
Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing. - SCARY!!!
The electric chair was invented by a dentist.
All polar bears are left handed.
In ancient Egypt, priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
"Go," is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
If Barbie were life-size, her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall.
A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.
The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.
Americans on average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Almost everyone who reads this will try to lick their elbow.

PS Don't forget to pass these weird facts on to everyone you know. They will get a kick out of it !!

You tried to lick your elbow, didn't you?!!!!


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tommie gorman

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #163 on: May 21, 2006, 10:04:25 PM »

Cultural Differences Explained

Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.

Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for & take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that's the government's job.

Aussies: Are extremely patriotic to their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.

Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch four channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no-one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.

Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball, and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer, and ruGBy.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they play them in.

Americans: Spell words differently, but still call it "English".
Brits: Pronounce their words differently, but still call it "English".
Canadians: Spell like the Brits, pronounce like Americans.
Aussies: Add "G'day", "mate" and a heavy accent to everything they say in an attempt to get laid.

Brits: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Aussies: Shop at home and have goods imported because they live on an island.
Americans: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.
Canadians: Cross the southern border for cheap shopping, gas, & liquor in a backwards country.

Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.

Americans: Seem to think that poverty & failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success and failure are inherited things.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.


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tommie gorman

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Re: Funny Stuff

« Reply #164 on: May 21, 2006, 10:13:14 PM »

Driver's Education Exam Answers

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)

Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?
A: What for? He can't see my license plate.

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: What are the important safety tips to remember when backing your car?
A: Always wear a condom.

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your car.

Q: How can you reduce the possibility of having an accident?
A: Be too S#!t-faced to find your keys.

Q: What problems would you face if you were arrested for drunk driving?
A: I'd probably lose my buzz a lot faster.

Q: What changes would occur in your lifestyle if you could no longer drive lawfully?
A: I would be forced to drive unlawfully.

Q: What are some points to remember when passing or being passed?
A: Make eye contact and wave "hello" if he/she is cute.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: What can you do to help ease a heavy traffic problem?
A: Carry loaded weapons.


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