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Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:

I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am.  I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

               UP !  UP !   UP !           
                         Whew !  That was Close !
                  DAM !!  THAT's  A  BIG  F$%KING  FISH !!



                               

          WHY   PARENTS    DRINK          

                     Why Parents Drink
 
The boss wondered why one of his most valued employees
 
had not phoned in sick one day.  Having an urgent problem
 
with one of the main computers, he dialed the employee's
 
home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper.
 
"Hello."
 
"Is your daddy home?" he asked.
 
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
 
"May I talk with him?"
 
The child whispered, "No."
 
Surprised and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,
 
"Is your Mommy there?"
 
"Yes."
 
"May I talk with her?"
 
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
 
Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a
 
message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"
 
"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."
 
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
 
home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
 
"No, he's busy", whispered the child.
 
"Busy doing what?
 
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the
 
whispered answer.
 
Growing more worried as he heard what sounded like a
 
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone, the boss
 
asked, "What is that noise?"
 
"A helicopter" answered the whispering voice.
 
"What is going on there?" demanded the boss, now truly
 
apprehensive.
 
Again, whispering, the child answered, "The search team
 
just landed the helicopter."
 
Alarmed, concerned and a little frustrated the boss asked,
 
"What are they searching for?"
 
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle:
 
                                "ME."
                                         

Good song EWO, and just the woman to sing it too!

 
 10 Commandments of Marriage
 
Commandment 1. Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and
lightning.
 
Commandment 2.  If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention
to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
 
Commandment 3.  Marriage is grand -- and divorce is at least 100 grand!
 
Commandment 4. Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of
marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the
woman speaks and the man listens.  In the third year, they both speak and
the neighbors listen.
 
Commandment 5.  When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can
be sure of one thing:  Either the car is new or the wife is.
 
Commandment 6. Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble
starts when they try to decide which one.
 
Commandment 7.  Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking
about something she said. After marriage, he will fall asleep before she
finishes talking.
 
Commandment 8.  Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding,
economical, and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.
 
Commandment 9.  Every woman wants a man who is handsome, understanding,
economical and a considerate lover, but again, the law allows only one
husband.
 
Commandment 10.  Man is incomplete until he marries. After that, he is
finished
 

I have heard of tongue twister's, but that has to be a brain twister. 

Actually that's a song... I guess someone made a joke out of it.  I believe it's called "I'm My Own Grandpa"