Recommended Tests

It was passed to me - I passed it here.

Don't think I've done this one  on testmy before.

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                                             MEN
>
>       Men  Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple
>    creatures?  Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding
>    plans take care  of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can
      be President. You  can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a
>    water park. You can  wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you
      the truth. The world  is your urinal. You never have to drive to another
>    gas station restroom  because this one is just too icky. You don't have to
      stop and think of which  way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay.
 
>      Wrinkles add character.  Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People
      never stare at your chest when  you're talking to them. The occasional
>    well-rendered belch is practically  expected. New shoes don't cut,
      blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all  the time.
>
>     Phone  conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about
>   tanks. A  five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all
>   your own  jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
     If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your  friend.
>
>     Your  underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are
     more than  enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are
>   unable to  see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its
     original  color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You
>   only have to  shave your face and neck.
>
>
>     You  can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your
      big hips.  One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
      You can wear  shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails
      with a pocket  knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a
>    mustache..
>
>     You  can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
>   minutes.
>
>   No  wonder men are happier.
>
>   Send  this to the women who can handle it  and  to the men who will enjoy reading it.

                       ALABAMA  PREACHER                 

The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, "Someone in this
congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan.

This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot
tolerate.  I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want
the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and
this Christian family." No one moved.

The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood?
Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory.  Now stand
and confess your transgression."

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that woul d stop traffic rose from the third pew.

Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,

"Reverend,  there has been a  terrible misunderstanding.

I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan.

I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."

The preacher fainted, and the congregation roared!

Yeah, crack genious's are everywhere. 
 

Just something funny I saw. 

"Today, wanting someone else’s money is called need, wanting to keep your own money is called greed, and compassion is when government arranges the transfer."

"There's room for all God's creatures...right next to the mashed potatoes."
 

    Proposed Construction In New Orleans   

                               Toilet Paper      

Fresh from her shower, a woman stands in front of the mirror, complaining to her husband that her breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling her it's not so, the husband uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion. "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and stands in front of the mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.

"How long will this take?", she asks.

"They'll grow larger over a period of years", he replies.

The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make my breasts grow over the years?"

"Worked for your ass, didn't it?"