Recommended Tests

A Husband takes his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course,
The wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
Biggest house adjacent to the course.

The husband cringed, 'I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive  is going to cost us.'
   
 So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm  voice said, 'Come on in.'
 When they opened the door they saw the damage that was done: glass was  all over the place, and a broken antique bottle was lying on its side  near the pieces of window glass.

A man reclining on the couch asked, 'Are you the people that broke my  window?'

'Uh...yeah! , sir. We're sure sorry about that,' the husband replied.

'Oh, no apology is necessary. Actually I want to thank you. You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years.
Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last one for my self.'

Wow, that's great!' the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted out, 'I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life.'

'No problem,' said the genie 'You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!'

'And now you, young lady, what do you want?' the genie asked.
'I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every
Country in the world,' she said.

 'Consider it done,' the genie said. 'And your homes will always be safe from fire, burglary and natural disasters!'
'And now,' the couple asked in unison, 'what's your wish, genie?'


   
 'Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your wife.'

The husband looked at his wife and said, 'Gee, honey, you know we both now have a fortune, and all those houses. What do you think?'

She mulled it over for a few moments and said, 'You know, you're right.

Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about you, honey?'

You know I love you sweetheart,' said the husband. I'd do the same for you!'
   


So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, How old are you and your husband?'

'Why, we're both 35,' she responded breathlessly.
'No Kidding,' he said. 'Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?'

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY   


OPEC sells oil for $136.00 a barrel.
OPEC nations buy U.S. grain at $7.00 a bushel.
Solution: Sell grain for $136.00 a bushel.
Can't buy it?   Tough!   Eat your oil!
Ought to go well with a nice thick grilled fillet of camel ass!!!
                

Been there,  Done that.
Good Girl.....

hahaha...i just got off the phone with senator kyl's office...nice conversation...and he said that they loved the joke...very fitting...and they agree that we should quit holding the purse strings of the opec nations and explore our own til we develop an alternative source

                        

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their
days interesting. Well, for example, the other day I went downtown and into a shop.
I was only there for about 5 minutes, and when I came out, there was a
cop writing out a parking ticket. I said to him, 'Come on, man, how about giving a
retired person a break?' 
 
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
I called him a 'Nazi.' He glared at me and wrote another ticket for having worn tires.
So I called him a 'doughnut eating Gestapo.'

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the
first.  Then he wrote a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more I abused him the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, I didn't care. I came downtown on the bus, and the car that
he was putting the tickets on had a bumper sticker that said, 'Obama in
'08 .' I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important
to my health.

                        

    SAD  NEWS   

   The world is mourning a great icon of the entertainment
   community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast
   infection and traumatic complications from repeated pokes in the
   belly. He was 71.

   Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens celebrities
   turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs.Butterworth,
   Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, The Hostess Twinkies,
   and Captain Crunch.

   The grave site was piled high with flours.

   Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy
   as a man who never really knew just how much he was kneaded. Doughboy
   rose to the top quickly in show business, but his later life was
   filled with turnovers. He was no smart cookie in business, wasting
   much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little
   flaky, he was a persistent and crusty old man, and was considered
   a positive roll model for all.

   Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John
   and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived
   by his elderly father, Pop Tart. The funeral was held at 350 for
   about 20 minutes.

   If this made you smile, rise to the occasion and share this with
   someone else who may be having a crumby day and really kneads it.

         

The thing is, the people of Iowa are helping themselves instead of demanding the government do it all for them.