Recommended Tests

Good one!

                  

                    EMAIL FROM IRELAND


An email from Ireland to their brethren in the  States...a point to ponder despite your political affiliation:
 
'We, in Ireland, can't figure out why people are even bothering to hold an election in the United States .
 
On one side, you have a pants wearing lawyer, married to a lawyer who can't keep his pants on, who just lost a long and heated primary
against a lawyer who goes to the wrong church who is married to yet another lawyer who doesn't even like the country her  husband wants to run.
 
Now...On the other side, you have a nice old war hero pilot whose name starts with the appropriate Mc terminology  married to a
good looking younger woman who owns a beer distributorship.
 
What in Lords name are you lads thinking over there in the colonies??

 

                                 

               Warning from the middle east.


This morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of Migration, Mohammed Omar, warned
the United States that if military action against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities will cut off America 's supply
of convenience store managers, and possible candidates for President of the United States .

 
And if this action does not yield sufficient results, cab drivers will be next, followed by Dell and AOL customer
service reps., and then Motel 6 managers.

 
                        It's getting ugly.

 

*chuckles* Poor old gals. 

                                

Many will recall that on July 8, 1947, witnesses claimed that an unidentified object with five aliens
aboard crashed onto a sheep and cattle ranch just outside Roswell, New Mexico. This is a well-known
incident that many say has long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and the federal
government. However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of March 1948, exactly
nine months after that historic day, the following people were born:

Albert Arnold Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William Jefferson Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep?

                                

 

Everything You Wanted To Know About the Sea
 ..from the pens of kids


1) This is a picture of an octopus.  It has eight testicles. (Kelly age 6)
 
 
2) Oysters' balls are called pearls. (James age 6)
 
 
3) If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island.  If you don't have sea all round you, you are incontinent. (Wayne age 7)
 
 
4) Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson.  She's not my friend no more. (Kylie age 6)
 
 
5) A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy age
 
 
6) My uncle goes out in his boat with pots, and comes back with crabs. (Millie age 6)
 

7) When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean.  Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come.  My brother said they have been better off eating beans. (William age 7)
 
 
I like mermaids.  They are beautiful, and I like their shiny tails.  And how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen age 6)
 

9) I'm not going to write about the sea.  My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy age 6)


10) Some fish are dangerous.  Jellyfish can sting.  Electric eels can give you a shock.  They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers. (Christopher age 7)
 
 
11) When you go swimming in the sea, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin age 6)
 
 
12) Divers have to be safe when they go under the water.  Two divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky age


13) On holidays, my Mom went water skiing.  She fell off when she was going very fast.  She says she won't do it again because water flies right up her fat ass. (Julie age 7)