Recommended Tests

                        

     Several cannibals were recently hired by a big corporation. "You are all
part of our team now," said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing.
    "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for
something to eat, but please don't eat any of the other employees, he said
jokingly."
    The cannibals promised.
    Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard, and
I'm satisfied with you. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do
any of you know what happened to her?"
   The cannibals all shook their heads no.
    After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others,
"Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"
    A hand rose hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals continued,
   "You fool! For four weeks we've been eating Managers and no one noticed
anything, but noooooo, you had to go and eat the secretary!"

                        

*puke* nasty, but funny lol

1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

3. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?

4. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?

5. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

6. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

7. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?

8. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?

9. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

10. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?

12. 'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language.
Could it be that 'I do' is the longest sentence?

13. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

14. What hair colour do they put on the driver's licences of bald men?

15. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?

16. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the postmen can look for them while they deliver the mail?

17. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

18. No one ever says, 'It's only a game' when their team is winning.

19. Ever wonder about those people who spend 2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE

20. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

22. OK ... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the 'Jags' and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the 'Bucs,' what does that make the Tennessee Titans?

23. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhoea, does that mean that one enjoys it?



And lastly.....

If a thermos flask can keep cold things cold and hot things hot ---
how does it know the difference?

                                           GOLFER AT THE DENTIST

A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the dentist:

'Doc, I'm in one heck of a hurry. I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf, so forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it. We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!'

The dentist thought to himself, 'My goodness, this is surely a very brave man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain.'

So the dentist ask him, 'Which tooth is it sir? '

The man turned to his wife and said, 'Open your mouth, Honey, and show him.'

 

LOL

Sounds like some of the women I have been with. Yep good candidates for sure.