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Loved it.   

I would personally have to laugh at that one if it happened. "I guess sis was good for something after all." 

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me
today, and we all could probably use more calm in our lives.
    Calm in our lives 

Some doctor on t.v. this morning said that the way to achieve inner
peace is to finish all the things you have started.  So I looked
around my house to see things I'd started and hadn't finished and, before
leaving  the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot,
a  bottle of shhhardonay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of vocka, a
pockage of Prunglies, tha mainder of bot Prozic and Valum
scriptins, the res of the Chesescke an a box a chocolets.  Yu haf
no idr who fkin gud I fel. Peas sen dis orn to dem yu fee ar in ned ov inr pece
 
 
Staa clm evrybudy……… (-:  !@#$%   

     $50 is $50   

Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, 'Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter.'

Esther always replied, 'I know Morris, but that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars'

One year Esther and Morris went to the fair, and Morris said, 'Esther, I'm 85 years old. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance.'

To this, Esther replied, 'Morris that helicopter ride is fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars.'

The pilot overheard the couple and said, 'Folks I'll make you a deal. I'll take the both of you for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word, I won't charge you! But if you say one word, it's fifty dollars.'

Morris and Esther agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy maneuvers, but not a word was heard. He did his daredevil tricks over and over again, but still not a word.

When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, 'By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. I'm impressed!'

Morris replied, 'Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Esther fell out, but you know fifty dollars is fifty dollars

                           

Warning: Adult themed Joke 
Mods please delete this if its over the top 

Why is sex like riding a bike?
1. You have to keep pumping if you want to get anywhere.

2. It's best to wear protective head-gear when going into unfamiliar territory.

3. You can do it with no hands, but it's best not to try it until you have a lot of experience.

4. It's easier to learn with the help of someone who has a lot of experience.

5. You can do it by yourself, but it's usually not as much fun.

6. It's usually hard to control your speed the first few times you try.

7. It's best to have a soft place to land.

8. You don't need any special clothing, but you can get some if you are really into it.

9. If you're with someone who is having trouble keeping up, it's usually best to slow down and wait for them.

10. Most people think it looks easy until they try it for the first time.

11. Once you learn, you never forget how.

12. If you fall off get right back on.

13. If you get a flat, try pumping it back up.

14. Remember to signal before you change direction.

15. Make sure that you've got a firm grip.

16. Sometimes it's nice to have a cushy seat.

17. Once you're over the top, you can just coast the rest of the way.

18. That's why some of them are called Mountin' Bikes.

           Bubba is at it again          

Bubba goes to a tent revival and listens to the preacher.

After a while, the preacher asks anyone with needs to come
forward and be prayed over.

Bubba slowly rises from his chair and gets in line. When it's his turn the preacher says,"Bubba, what you want me to pray about?"

Bubba says, "Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing."

So the preacher puts his right finger in Bubba's right ear and his left hand on top of his head and prays a while. Then the preacher
puts his left finger in Bubba's left ear and his right hand on top of his head and prays some more.

After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands and says, "Bubba, how's your hearing now?"

Bubba says, "I don't know, preacher; it ain't till next Wednesday."