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I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.
HERE IS MY PLATFORM:

(1) "Press 1 for English" is immediately banned. English is the official language-- speak it, or wait at the border until you can.

(2) We will immediately go into a two year isolationist posture to straighten out the country's attitude. NO imports, NO exports.
We will use the 'Wal-Mart's policy, 'If we ain't got it, you don't need it.'

(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on them.

(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.

(5) Social security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn't put nuttin in, you ain't gettin nuttin out. The president nor any other politician will not be able to touch it.

(6) Welfare - Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40-hour school week and the successful completion of a urinalysis test and a passing grade.

(7) Professional Athletes --Steroids - The FIRST time you check positive you're banned for life.

( Crime - We will adopt the Turkish method.  The first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There are no more life sentences. If convicted, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim--gun, knife, strangulation, etc.

(9) One export will be allowed; Wheat. The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.

(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we'll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it's a worthy cause.

(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress.

(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.

Sorry if I stepped on anyone's toes but a vote for me will get you better than what you have, and better than what you're gonna get. Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November.

Bill Cosby!!!!!!!!

 

 

A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into
the lion's cage.

Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull
her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.

The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square
on the nose with a powerful punch.

Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl,
and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him
endlessly.

A New York Times reporter has watched the whole event. The reporter
addressing the biker says, 'Sir, this was the most gallant and brave
thing I saw a man do in my whole life. '

The biker replies, 'Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind
bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right'

The reporter says, 'Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a
journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will
have this story on the front page... So, what is it that you do when
you're not riding your motorcycle?'

The biker replies, 'I'm a U.S. Marine, a Republican, and I'm darn proud
to be both.'

The journalist leaves.  The following morning the biker buys The New
York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads,
on the front page:

U.S. MARINE ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH

    " The Media Strikes Again "
 

    Anything for the headlines. I shouldn't be laughing, that S#!t happens.

Thats cute.    (you have to click on it guys. )

The "Am I gay?" Self Exam for Men*
 
 
 
1. If you are over fifty, and you have a washboard stomach, you
 
are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing
the Oprah diet.
 
 
 
 
 
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog... 'Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!' Now think about how you call a cat...'Bun-bun, come to daddy, pooky!' Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
 
 
 
 
 
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pig's feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a fag.
 
 
 
 
 
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
 
 
 
 
 
5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee you are Fag-O-Licious. A straight man will never be heard ordering a 'Decaf Soy Latte'. If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man
there, too.
 
 
 
 
 
6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out
chartreuse or you know what a 'fressier' is you're gay.. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are faggadocious.
 
 
 
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.
 
 
 
 
 
8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fudgepacker

 

Those two really go good together, Tommie !!! 

Sounds like normal politics.