Recommended Tests

Yo Mama So Stupid
I told her drinks were on the house...so she went and got a ladder...

she make Homer Simpson look like a Nobel Prize winner

she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Cif.

she noticed a sign reading 'Wet Floor'...so she just did!

it takes her two hours to watch 60 Minutes.

when you were born, she looked at your umbilical cord and said, "Wow, it comes with cable too!"

she asked for a refund on a jigsaw puzzle complaining it was broken.

she got locked in the Quickie Mart and nearly starved to death.

she sold her Car for Petrol cash!

she reckoned a Quarterback was a refund...

she once attempted to commit suicide by jumping off a Kerb.

she leaves tell tales signs she's been using my computer - white out (tipp ex) is on the screen.

she took a job cutting grass on an Oil Rig.

I found her peaking over a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

it took her 2 days to make Microwaveable Pot Noodles.

she invented a silent car alarm.

that when you stand beside her you can actually hear the ocean

she really thought the cinema was selling Free Willies...

she watches The Three Stooges and takes notes.

she was born on Halloween and can't remember her birthday.

she thought Morning Dew was a New York radio station.

she lost her shadow.

she went to a Whalers game to see Kiko.

she somehow got fired from a Blow-Job

she thought Hot Meals were stolen food.

she make Laurel and Hardy look like Nobel Prize winners.

when I asked her to purchase me a Colour TV she asked me...'Which colour?'

You Momma so Stupid that they even make Crazy Pranks & Hilarious Gags she can understand

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/eO8o0ESD1bU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/eO8o0ESD1bU</a>

 
An ugly biker walks into his local pub with a big grin on his face.
"What are you so happy about?" asks the barman.
"Well, I'll tell you," replies the ugly man. "You know, I live by the railway. Well, on my way home last night, I noticed a young woman tied to the tracks, like in the movies. I, of course, went and cut her free and took her back to my place. Anyway, to make a long story short, I scored big time!
We made love all night, all over the house. We did everything, me on top, sometimes her on top, every position imaginable!"
"Fantastic!" exclaimed the barman. "You lucky guy. Was she pretty?"
"Dunno...Never found the head."

 
The New Harley (Old Joke)

     This guy has always dreamed of owning a Harley Davidson. One day he has finally saved up enough money so he goes down to the dealer and he picks out the perfect bike. While getting all the paperwork together, the dealer tells him about an old biker-trick that will keep the chrome on his new bike free from rust. The trick is to keep a jar of Vaseline handy and put it on the chrome before it rains, and everything will be fine. He happily pays for the bike and leaves.
     A few months later, the young man meets a woman and falls in love. She wants him to meet her parents so she asks him to come to dinner. He readily accepts and the date is set. At the appointed time, he picks her up on his Harley and they ride to her parents' house. Before they go in, she tells him that they have a family tradition that whoever speaks first after dinner must do the dishes.
     After a delicious dinner everyone sits in silence waiting for the first person to break and get stuck doing the dishes. After a long fifteen minutes, the young man decides to speed things up. He reaches over and kisses his woman in front of her family. No one says a word. Emboldened, he throws her on the table and has sex with her in front of everyone. No one says a word. Now he is getting desperate, so he grabs her mother and throws HER on the table.
     They have even wilder sex. No one says a word. He is wondering what to do next when he hears thunder in the distance. His first thought is to protect the chrome on his Harley, so he reaches in his pocket and pulls out his jar of Vaseline.
     The father says "Okay dammit, I'll do the dishes!"
 

 
A Biker went into his corner coffee shop for his morning cuppa.
He liked the coffee, and the food was good & cheap. One thing though, the waitress was a surly
type who didn't like Bikers much.

 This morning, business was slow, and the waitress (looking particularly grumpy) was keeping busy brooming the floor.

 He walked up to her and said,

"Look on the bright side luv, when you finish work you'll be able to ride it home".   

From: Jack InjuredBiker.com
 

 
A Biker we know was strolling in a big city park, which was patrolled by police officers mounted on horseback

 He spotted a  cop, walked over and said " Good morning officer.

That's a  fine looking animal you've got there, but I  think you should get the Vet to check him out"

 The cop asked " Howcum?"

 The dude replied " Well, I was standing' over there & I heard some guy say ' Check out the stupid looking' prick on that horse'

 From: Jack InjuredBiker.com
 

 
A Biker we know, Big Jake, was heading home from Sturgis when he decided to stop at a little road side pub.

He parked his scoot, went inside, & sat down at the bar and ordered a beer.

The place was nearly empty. In fact, there was only one other patron.

An old grey bearded type seated at the other end of the bar.

The guy seemed harmless enough, but one thing was making' Jake uneasy.

The guy just wouldn't stop starin' at him!

Our hero hoisted up his 250 pound self, walked over, and politely asked the old scooter tramp to knock off the eye-ballin'.

The old boy replied: " Son, I'm sorry and I meant no offence. But my brother raises buffalo on his ranch a few miles from here and the other night there was a terrible thunderstorm and the whole damn herd got spooked & ran off, including his prize pregnant cow. I was wondering' if you might be the missing calf."    From: Jack InjuredBiker.com
 

 
The correct hand signal for letting other riders know that they pissed you off, is to...

Extend your left arm straight out with your elbow bent 90 degrees.

Carefully extend your middle finger to clearly demonstrate your dissatisfaction with the other guy.

NOTE:  It is not recommended you do this when you are alone. 

From: Pat 1%er Devils Henchmen MC
 

 
A biker stops by the Harley Shop to have his bike fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and he would just walk home.
 On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and an anvil.

He stopped by the feed store/livestock dealer and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose.

However, he now had a problem: how to carry all of his purchases home.
 The owner said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"  "Hey, thanks!" the biker said, and out the door he went.

 But in the parking lot he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost.  She asked, "Can you  tell me how to get to 1603 MockinGBird Lane?"  The biker replied, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live at 1616 MockinGBird Lane.  Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady looked him over cautiously, then said, "I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.  How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and ravish me?"   
 The biker said, "Holy smokes lady!  I'm carrying a bucket,  an anvil, two chickens, and a goose. 

How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?" 
 The lady said, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket and I'll hold the chickens."   

 
You're A Biker Wanna' Be, If
- You spit out the bug that just flew in your mouth.
 - You spend more time shining your bike than riding it.
 - You're too cool to wave at the kids in the mom-mobile in front of you.
 - You grab for your hairbrush before your old lady.
 - You take your bike into the shop for oil changes.
 - Your $500 boots aren't scuffed from riding.
 - You think that a kick-starter is a mocha latte.
 - You set at least one mirror, if not both, to reflect yourself.
 - Your saddle bags say "Gucci".
 - You carry a lap-top in your saddle bags.
 - Your tattoos wash off.
 - You put your pony-tail back in the drawer after you get home.
 - You won't ride down a gravel road.
 - You've never seen a sunrise from two wheels.
 - You only ride on weekends, when you can.
 - You never ride to work.
 - All your leathers match.
 - There are no wrinkled, faded, creased, or scratched areas on your leathers.
 - You don't own a rain suit.
 - You've never ridden long enough to know that stock seats are never comfortable.
 - You've never had to replace a worn out tire.
 - You've had to replace your tires, but because they were too old and not too worn.
 - You like to ride by stores with big picture windows so you can admire your reflection.
 - You ride a Ducati.
 - Your longest road trip this year was to Hooter's for bike night.
DENNY DAWG

 
A BIKER WITH MANY NAMES.
A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit.
So he asks the biker his name.
  "Fred," he replies.
  "Fred what?" the officer asks.
  "Just Fred," the man responds.
  The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.
  The officer then presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it.
The  officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along  with it.   "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?"
  The biker replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me." 

"I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time.

 So I stayed to myself, studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older I realized that I wanted to be  a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship,  residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD."
"After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back  to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school,  got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS." "Got bored! doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my  assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD."
  Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD  leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my  Dingaling, so now I am Just Fred."
The officer walked away in tears, laughing

DENNY DAWG

 


 

Yea, the first one was just strange, i just forgot as i read through them.

An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound-up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered,
"Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants to have sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!"
"Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me he thinks you have a nice, tight butt!"

  Always picking on us men.

Lucky husband too. 

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to
learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny waves his hand, 'Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!
Miss Rogers. 'All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'

Little Johnny says, 'Mas-tur-bate.'

Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job".

you might be a pot head it
1 you wear sun glasses at night so you can see better
2 you have acctually put out a fire with bong water
3 the term "hydro" does not mean water
4 you have an usual parking space outside your local head shop
5 you have a name for your 3 bongs 2 pipes one of which was made by you
6 you know your measurements from grams to ounces by heart
7 your best friends are your dealer and your roller
8 you sell your car for gas money
9 after reading this list you have done most if not all
10 if you respect 4:20 to a religious value
11 if you sue your employer for not getting holiday pay on april 20th
12 if glass blowing was your minor and herbology was your major.....please e-mail me we need to chat

i hope you enjoy


A hippie was walking down the street one day when a pixie pounced on him. "Today is your lucky day!" said the pixie. "I'm gonna give you two wishes. What will the first one be?" The hippie thinks for a moment and then says, "I want a never-ending joint." So the pixie snaps his fingers and there is this king-sized joint. The hippie jacks it up and starts puffing. After five hits the joint is still the same length. Next the pixie says, "...And number two?" The hippie replies, "This is so cool man! Gimme another one!"


Q: What do you call it when a roach ash burns your shirt? A: A pot hole!



Confucious Quotes

Man who drop watch in toilet bound to have S#!tty time.
Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
Man who smoke pot choke on handle.
Man who walk through airport door sideways going to Bangkok.
Man who have women on ground have piece on earth.
Man who run behind car get exhausted.
Take many nails to make a crib but one screw to fill it.