Recommended Tests

here's a good one from the site tommie gave a link to.

 

The mother's answer speaks volumes!


You're gonna love this one, ...

Nobody could make this stuff up !!!

How would you pronounce this child's name ???

"Le-a"

Leah ??? ... No

Lee-A ??? ... Nope

Lay-a ??? ... No

Lei ??? ... Guess Again


It's pronounced

"Ledasha"

Oh yes, ... You read it right !!!
The dash is not silent.

This child attends a school in Livingston Parish.  Her mother is irate, because everyone is getting her name wrong.  So, ... if you see something come across your desk like this, ... please remember to pronounce the dash.

When the mother was asked about the pronunciation of the name, she said, ... "The dash don't be silent." 

 

I am suprised he did not die of embarassment. 
Worse case scenario:

Runs into bruno in jail, So what put you in? "well I tangled with 6 cops before they could get me in the paddy wagon, and you?" 

"Well I was caught hanging outside the window."

Now who do you figure better not drop the soap in the shower. 

ompany letter

 
Dear employee:
As a result of the reduction of money budgeted for all department areas, we are forced to cut down on our number of personnel. Under this plan, older employees will be asked to take early retirement, thus permitting the retention of younger people who represent our future

 
Therefore, a program to phase out older personnel by the end of the next fiscal year, via retirement, will be placed into effect immediately.

 
This program will be known as S.L.A.P. (Severance of Late-Aged Personnel).

 
Employees who are SLAPPED will be given the opportunity to look for jobs outside the company.

 
SLAPPED employees can request a review of their employment records before actual retirement takes place. This review phase of the program will be called S.C.R.E.W. (Survey of Capabilities of Retired Elderly Workers).

 
All employees who have been SLAPPED and SCREWED may file an appeal with upper management.

 
This appeal is called S.H.A.F.T. (Study by Higher Authority Following Termination).

 
Under the terms of the new policy, an employee may be SLAPPED once, SCREWED twice, but may be SHAFTED as many times as the company deems appropriate.

 
If an employee follows the above procedure, he/she will be entitled to get: HE.R.P.E.S. (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel's Early Severance) or CLAP (Combined Lump sum Assistance Payment).

 
As H.E.R.P.E.S. and C.L.A.P. are considered benefit plans, any employee who has received H.E..R.P.E.S . or C.L.A.P. will no longer be SLAPPED or SCREWED by the company.

 
Management wishes to assure the younger employees who remain on board that the company will continue its policy of training employees through our: Special High Intensity Training ( S.H.I.T.).

 
We take pride in the amount of S.H.I.T. our employees receive. We have given our employees more S.H.I.T. than any company in this area. If any employee feels they do not receive enough S.H.I.T. on the job, see your immediate supervisor. Your supervisor is specially trained to make sure you receive all the S.H.I.T.. you can stand.

 
And, once again, thanks for all your years of loyal service with us!

 
The Management

A blonde goes to her local pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet.  As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs.

The sign says:   

'SEX FROGS'
     
 Only $20each!
 Comes with 'complete' instructions.


The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to the man behind the counter,  'I'll TAKE one!'

As the man packages the frog, he quietly says to her,  'Just follow the instructions!'

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully.  She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you,  and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise .. . . NOTHING happens!  The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.  She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper it says,  'If you have any problems or questions .  please call the pet store.'

So, she calls the pet store.  The man says, 'I'll be right over.'   Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.  The blonde welcomes him in and says,  'See, I've done everything according to the instructions.  The damn frog just SITS there!'

The man . . .  looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares 'directly into its eyes' and STERNLY says:



 
 
 
 




 'LISTEN TO ME!!   
I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE ... MORE... TIME!!!'