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Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking, and one  blonde says to the other, 'Which do you think is farther away... Florida or the moon?'  The other blonde turns and says 'Helloooooooooo, can you see Florida ?????'   


CAR TROUBLE 


A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. 



After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. 


She says, 'What's the story?' 


He replies, 'Just crap in the carburetor' 


She asks, 'How often do I have to do that?' 





SPEEDING TICKET 








A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.





She replied in a huff, 'I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!' 











RIVER WALK








There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. 'Yoo-hoo!' she shouts, 'How can I get to the other side?' 





   The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, 'You  ARE on the other side.' 











AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE








A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 





   'Impossible!' says the doctor. 'Show me.' 





The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; 





likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. 





   The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you? 





   'Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.' 





   'I thought so,' the doctor said. 'Your finger is broken.' 











KNITTING








A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! 





   Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, 'PULL OVER!' 





   'NO!' the blonde yelled back, 'IT'S A SCARF!' 











BLONDE ON THE SUN 








   A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, 'We were the first in space!' 





   The American said, 'We were the first on the moon!'   





   The Blonde said, 'So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!' 





   The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads.  'You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!' said the Russian.





   To which the Blonde replied, 'We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!' 











IN A VACUUM 








    A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, 'If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?' 





   She thought for a time and then asked, 'Is it on or off?' 











FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! 








A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.   Her friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?' 





'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' answered the blond.  'They're watch dogs!'

Those were all great.  I think its the other way around on my spouses side though. 

Good ones Roco!

The elderly priest, speaking to the  younger priest,
said, 'You had a good idea to replace the  first four
pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked  like
a charm. The front of the church always fills  first
now.'

The young priest nodded, and the old  priest
continued, 'And you told me adding a little  more
beat to the music would bring young people back
to  church, so I supported you when you brought in
that rock 'n  roll gospel choir. Now our services
are consistently packed  to the balcony.'

'Thank you, Father,'  answered the young priest. 'I
am pleased that you are open  to the new ideas of
youth.'

'All of these ideas have  been well and good,' said
the elderly priest, 'But I'm  afraid you've gone too
far with the drive-thru  confessional.'

'But Father,' protested the young  priest, 'my
confessions and the donations have nearly  doubled
since I began that!'

'Yes,' replied the  elderly priest, 'and I appreciate
that.... But the  flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n Tell or
Go to Hell' cannot  stay on the church roof.   

WARNING  FROM PAKISTAN

This  morning, from a cave somewhere in Pakistan, Taliban Minister of 
Migration Mohammed Omar, warned the United States that if military 
actions against Iraq continues, Taliban authorities intend to cut off 
America's supply of Convenience Store Managers and possibly Motel 6 
Managers.  And if this action does not yield sufficient results, Cab 
Drivers will be next, followed by DELL and AOL Customer Service Reps. 
Finally, if all else fails, they have threatened to send us no more 
candidates for President of the United  States!

It's  gonna get ugly!!!