Recommended Tests

 
THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN LOUISIANA:
1. Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in LOUISIANA.

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in LOUISIANA plus a couple no one's seen before.

4. If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

5. Onced and twiced are words.

6. It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

7. Fire ants consider your flesh as a picnic.

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. Fixinto is one word.

10. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then
there is supper.

11. Ice tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

12. Backards and forwards means "I know everything about you."

13. Jeet? is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time
it is. You work until you' re done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

 

YOU KNOW YOUR FROM LOUISIANA IF:

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: "I'm fixing to go to the store "

4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit,
vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

5. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both
unlocked.

6. You know what a "DAWG" is.

7. You carry jumper cables in your car...for your OWN car.

8. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

9. The local papers cover national and international news on one page
but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

10. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

11. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a little warm".

12. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and
Christmas.

13. You know whether another LOUISIANAN is from NEW ORLEANS, north or
south as soon as they open their mouth.

14. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as"goin'
Wal-martin"or off to "Wally World"....Mall Mart

15. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good
pinto-bean weather.

16. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda, cola or pop...it's a Coke,
regardless of brand or flavor. Example: "What kinda coke you want?"

17. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

18. We don't need no stinking driver's ed....if our mama says we can
drive, we can drive.

19. You understand these jokes and forward them to your friends from
LOUISIANA (and those who just wish they were). Not EVERYONE can be a
LOUISIANAN, it's an art form and a gift from God!

 

You got it tommie. Thats if you let it bother you. The gray hairs that I got is from my wife worrying about everything and constantly complaining to me about everything. It never stops. Everyday complain, complain and on and on. It is nice that the weather is nice that I can go outside to get away from the complaining. She dose most of the worrying. This is how it goes. YES DEAR, YES DEAR on everything. Then she starts on me like it is my fault. That sucks. Oh well. thats married life. SORRY for crying about it.
But you do worry about the boys that they go out with. But you learn that is their life and that they need to make their own misstakes in life to learn. That is all part of growing up.
But the wife won't let them grow up to make their own misstakes. Thats why she worries

Seen that kind of stuff at the KCI airport in KC MO. You really had to watch it you were driving behind them. Some of it was pretty funny, if you were not involved. 

 
Subject: The Guys' Rules
     


>
>       The Guys' Rules
>       At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally, the
>       guys' side of the story.
>       We always hear "the rules"
>       From the female side.
>       Now here are the rules from the male side.
>       These are our rules!
>       Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
>       ON PURPOSE!
>
>       1. Men ARE not mind readers.
>
>       1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
>       You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
>       We need it up, you need it down.
>       You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
>
>       1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
>       or the changing of the tides.
>       Let it be.
>
>       1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
>       And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
>
>       1. Crying is blackmail.
>
>       1. Ask for what you want.
>       Let us be clear on this one:
>       Subtle hints do not work!
>       Strong hints do not work!
>       Obvious hints do not work!
>       Just say it!
>
>       1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every
>       question.
>
>       1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it.
>       That's what we do.
>       Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
>
>       1 A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
>       doctor.
>
>       1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
>       In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
>
>       1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect
>       us to act like soap opera guys.
>
>       1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
>       Don't ask us.
>
>       1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the
>       ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the  other one .
>
>       1. You can either ask us to do something
>       Or tell us how you want it done.
>       Not both.
>       If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
>
>       1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
>       commercials.
>
>       1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
>
>       1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
>       Peach, for example, is a fruit, not! A color. Pumpkin is also a
>       fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
>
>       1. If it itches, it will Be scratched.
>       We do that.
>
>       1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
>       nothing's wrong.
>       We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
>
>       1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an
>       answer you don't want to hear.
>
>       1. When we have to go somewhere,
>       absolutely anything you wear Is fine.. Really.
>
>       1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
>       discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation,
>       or golf.
>
>       1. You have enough clothes.
>
>       1. You have too many shoes.
>
>       1 I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
>
>       1. Thank you for reading this.
>       Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know
>        men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
 

Pay close attentyion to the last line

Aids would be bad enough but to get pregnant at the same time!!!!!

Remind me not to go to Australia to cut my firewood next time.
 

I enjoyed it.
 
I even e-mailed it.