Recommended Tests

        

A man was in a long line at Target.  As he got to the register he
>> realized he had
>>
>> forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she coul have
>> some
>>
>> brought up to the register.
>>
>> She asked "What size condoms?"
>>
>> The customer replied that he didn't know.
>>
>> She asked him to drop his pants.
>>
>> He did.
>>
>> She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the
>> intercom.
>>
>> "One box of large condoms, Register 5"
>>
>> The next man in the line thought this wa interesting, and like most of
>> us, was up for
>>
>> a cheap thrill.  When he got up to the register, he told the checker that
>> he too had
>>
>> forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the
>>
>> register for him.
>>
>> She asked him what size, and he state that he didn't know.  She asked him
>> to
>>
>> drop his pants.
>>
>> He did.
>>
>> She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said "One box of
>>
>> Medium sized condoms, Register 5."
>>
>> A few customers back was a teenage boy.  He thought what he had seen was
>> way
>>
>> too cool.  He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live
>> female, so he
>>
>> thought thus was his chance.  When hegot to the register he told the
>> checker he
>>
>> needed som condoms.
>>
>> She asked him what size and he said he didn't know.  She asked him to
>> drop his
>>
>> pants and he did.  She reached over the counter, gave him a quick
>> squeeze, then picked
>>
>> up the intercom and said ........................
>>
>>
>> "Cleanup, Register 5"
          

I think you just nailed it. 

Thanks  EWO  Those were nice.

lol. I know some people like that!! 

Subject: Little Johnny


A grade school teacher in Kentucky asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep & It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word "fascinate."

Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried .

DRIVING
An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to
report that her car has been broken into. She is
hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've
stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal
and even the accelerator!" she cried
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the
way." A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by
mistake."
________________________________________
FAMILY
Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house
together. One night the 96 year old draws a bath. She
puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the other
sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The
94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and
see." She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I
going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at
the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never
get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then yells, "I'll
come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's
at the door."
_______________________________________
"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were
playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other,
"Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied,
"it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in,"So am I.
Let's have a beer."
_______________________________________
ROMANCE
A little old lady was running up and down the halls
in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the
hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex." She walked
up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown
at him, she said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a
moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the
soup."
_______________________________________
MORE ROMANCE
An older couple were lying in bed one night. The
husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a
romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used
to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he
reached across, held her hand for a second and tried
to get back to sleep. A few moments later she said:
"Then you used to kiss me. "Mildly irritated, he reached
across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down
to sleep. Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you
used to bite my neck." Angrily, he threw back the bed
clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?"
she asked. "To get my teeth!"
_______________________________________
DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTER
80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the
retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the
air and announces, "Anyone who can guess what's in my
hand can have the sex with me tonight!!" An elderly
gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"
Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
_______________________________________
OLD FRIENDS
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years, they had shared all kinds of
activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
had been limited to meeting a few times a week to
play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one
looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at
me... I know we've been friends for a long time ...but I just
can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I
can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."
Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes
she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said,
"How soon do you need to know?"
_______________________________________
SENIOR DRIVING
As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his
car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice
urgently warning him,"Herman, I just heard on the
news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate
77. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's
not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"
______________________________________
DRIVING
Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -
both could barely see over the dashboard. As they
were cruising along, they came to an intersection. The
stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I
must be losing it . I could have sworn we just went through
a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to
another intersection and the light was red again.
Again, they went right through. The woman in the
passenger seat was almost sure that the light had
been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous At the next intersection,
sure enough, the light was red and they went on
through. So, she turned to the other woman and said,
"Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three
red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Crap, am I driving?"

    How to cook a turkey     

   

1. Go buy a turkey
2. Take a drink of whiskey
3. Put the turkey in the oven
4. Take another two drinks of whiskey
5. Set the degree at 375 ovens
6. Take three more whiskeys of drink
7 Turn oven the on
8. Take four whisks of drinkey
9. Turk the bastey
10. Whiskey another bottle of get
11. Stick a turkey in the thermometer
12. Glass another yourself pour of whiskey
13. Bake the whiskey for four hours
14. Take the oven out of the turkey
15. Take the oven out of the whiskey
16. Floor the turkey up off of the pick
17. Turk the carvey
18. Get yourself another scottle of botch
19. Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
20. Bless the saying, pass and eat out