Recommended Tests

Slick one, EWO. 

  Nice one.

 

Steve was sitting in an airplane when another guy took the seat beside him.  The new guy was an absolute wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear.

"Hey, pal, what's the matter?" Steve asked.

"Oh man...I've been transferred to Louisiana," the other guy answered.  "There's crazy people in Louisiana and they have shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, the highest crime rate..."

"Hold on," Steve interrupted, "I've lived in Louisiana all my life, and it is not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a good school and it's as safe as anywhere in the world."

The other passenger relaxed and stopped shaking for a moment and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death, but if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do for a living?"

"Me?" said Steve, "I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck in Shreveport!"

 

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar and a lot of things that took two arms.
 
One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off. He was  standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He looked closer and saw this man didn't have any arms at all.
 
He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still  have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping down the sidewalk happy and going on with his life.
 
He hurried down and caught the man with no arms. He told him how glad he was to see him because he had lost one of his arms and felt ugly and useless  and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life and  he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms. The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels again.
 
He  asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"
 
He said,  "I'm NOT happy .... my a$$ itches
 

funny site. i found one that fits testmynet better though...

A couple years ago, I tried to get in on field testing of cable modem service in the Chicago area. I was calling to order cable TV anyway, so after setting up my cable TV account, I asked the guy if the field tests for cable modems were available in my area.


Cable Guy: "Cadle Mobem?"
Me: "Cable Modem."
Cable Guy: "We don't have that."
Thinking his reply was a bit too quick, I asked him to go and check with his supervisor as to whether the service was available. He put me on hold. No less than ten minutes later, he came back.

Cable Guy: "Did you say Cadle Mobem?"
Me: "Cable. Modem."
Cable Guy: "Hold on."
Five more minutes on hold.


Cable Guy: "Is that like email?"
Me: "Yeah. Kinda like email."
Cable Guy: "We don't have that."
I gave up and found through other sources that, indeed, it was not available in my area. Now that I have one, though, I can't help but call it a "Cadle Mobem."

You want to see a picture of a crane operators last day on the job.
http://www.fugly.com/pictures/11625/container-accident.html
 

 

When A RedNeck Wins BIG
http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i105/jamekwilson/WhenaRedneckwinsBIG.jpg