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It's amaxing what a Redneck will/can do.

Sex  and  Church 

A newlywed couple wanted to join a church. The pastor told them, "We have
special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from sex for one
whole month."

The couple agreed and, after two-and-a-half weeks, returned to the Church.

When the Pastor ushers them into his office, the wife is crying, and the husband
is obviously very depressed.

"You are back so soon...Is there a problem?" the pastor inquired.

"We are terribly ashamed to admit that we did! not manage to abstain from sex
for the required month," the young man replied sadly.

The pastor asked him what happened.

"Well, the first week was difficult. However, we managed to abstain through
sheer willpower.

The second week was terrible, but with the use of prayer, we managed to abstain.

However, the third week was unbearable. We tried cold showers, prayer, reading
from the Bible...anything to keep our minds off carnal thoughts. One afternoon,
my wife rea ched for a can of paint and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it
up, I was overcome with lust and had my way with her right then and there,"
admitted the man, shamefacedly.

"You understand this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the
pastor. "We know." said the young man, hanging his head, "We're not welcome at
Home Depot, either.
 

 
You Think This  Should Be Used To Fight The Use Of Steroids ????
http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i105/jamekwilson/TooMuchMuscle.jpg
 
I hope somewhere this is not real.

here is one funny pic of a fat kid play DDR

Be very suspicious when a Redneck invites you over to swim in his swimming pool.
 
http://i70.photobucket.com/albums/i105/jamekwilson/redneck.jpg

Especially if he is a real big guy.
 

 
                                                                       
                   Most people don't know that back in 1912,       
         ..Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England
     


In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled
for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call
for the great ship after its stop in New York.                         
                                                                       
This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever   
delivered to Mexico.                                                   
                                                                       
But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York.  The ship 
hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost.               
                                                                       
The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly
awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss.                 
                                                                       
Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of       
Mourning, which they still observe to this day.                       
                                                                       
The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known,
of course, as:                                                         
                                                                       
....Sinko de Mayo.

Thats great I want one of those dogs.

 
I guess you could call this funny

                             Life in the 1500's   
 
 The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the
 water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things
 used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s:
 
                   These are interesting...
 
 Most people got married in June because they took
their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June.
However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of
flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a
bouquet when getting married.
 
Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water.
The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water,
then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the
children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could
actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the
baby out with the  bath water."

 Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high,
with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to
get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in
the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals
would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats
and dogs."
 
 There was nothing to stop things from falling into
the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and
other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed
with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some
protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt.
Hence the saying "dirt poor" The wealthy had slate floors that would
get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread
thresh (straw) on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter
wore on, they added more thresh until when you opened the door it would
all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway.
Hence the saying a "thresh hold."

    (Getting quite an education, aren't you?) 
In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with
a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the
fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and
did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving
leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the
next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a
while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas
porridge in the pot nine days old."

 Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them
feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their
bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring
home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and
would all sit around and "chew the fat." Those with money had plates made of pewter.
Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the
food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with
tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered
poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom
of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or  "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would
sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone
walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for
burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days
and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see
if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of
places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take
the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these
coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the
inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they
would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the
coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would
have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to
listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or
was considered a "dead ringer."
 
 And that's the truth... Now, whoever said that History was boring ! !
 
>> Educate someone...Share these facts with a friend <<

Not sure if this one has been done before - looked but didn't find.
                          Ray  Stevens  Hit  Song
http://susie1114.com/Rattlesnakesong.html