Recommended Tests

Now Son. I raised you better than that. Get inside and talk to your father. He keeps walking around the house naked with his glasses on his dinger. So I walk inside and to my horror I see....

The radio broke and dad simoltaniously fractured his coccyx. I said "DAMN Dad what the hell are you going to do with broke ass coccyx of yours." Dad sat up and pulled his sack out from underneath him and laughed while he said...

"...Las Vegas.  We gonna rip sh*t up, sonny boy."

I said, "Dad, we're IN Las Vegas!" 

I was saddened to watch the expression on his face as he began to realize his surroundings.  Standing there on the craps table of the casino, bare ass in plain sight of hundreds of people, wearing nothing but a cowboy hat: my father, the hero.

I lit a smoke and sauntered up to the bar.  Jerry Seinfeld was there, as were Donald Rumsfeld and Jim Morrison.

"Jack and Coke," I told the keep.  "And keep 'em comin."

I took my drink, drained it in a gulp, and turned to Jim.  He was slumped over a half-emptied bottle of bourbon, looking as wilted as a rosebush in a downpour.  I slapped him on the back.

"Jim, where you been, buddy?" 

"What the hell are you looking at, pretty boy?" Jerry asked, smugly.

I held his gaze, squinting against the indignance rising in my throat; as hot as embers, as cold as steel.  I let my mouth curl in a casual smirk.  The room was suddenly very quiet, it seemed.  Too quiet.

"I never liked you," I softly spoke, just above a whisper.  No sooner had the words left my lips then my fist was punching a neat hole through his front teeth.  Jerry choked as blood and enamel splinters flew from his mouth, and he dropped to the floor, folding like a cheap suit.  Damn, that felt good.

I pulled the blade from its sheath in my belt, and beckoned Donald forth.


<edit>: grammar, der

  yes they have.

As I wheeled around to look, my mouth ran dry.  It couldn't be, I thought, it's not possible.  Standing before me, ragged and dripping wet, was the little girl from The Ring.

"Holy S#!t!"  I exlaimed.  "Jim.  Hey Jim!  Check it out!"  I shook him and his head lifted enough for one groggy eye to open just wide enough to see.

"Oh yeah," Jim slurred, "she's with me.  You keep your hands off her, mister."